yrotS pilcrepaP ehT
Understanding first came for me when I realized that the single red
paperclip in the little blue ceramic cup of regular regulation fake-silver
paper clips on the desk in the Guidance Office where I spend two periods a
day as an aide because I'm too lazy to take any more classes and too proud
to take a study hall but where they actually make no effort to offer me
guidance because they're all too afraid of me, was actually an alien
planted there to suck knowledge from the papers it was clipped to.
Nevermind that the only information it was garnering was from student
transfers and appointment forms and it wouldn't get anything useful for
the upcoming invasion, it's the thought that counts. That paperclip might
one day end up clipped to some really important document, like the Georgia
Farm Report, or the Gary Larson Collection, or even the secret unknown
lyrics to the end of "I Am the Walrus". It had to be stopped. So I bent
it in half.
That's how you kill alien paperclips, of course.
Someone was standing there, someone I know. Names have been
omitted to protect the not guilty.(I say not guilty because anyone who's
been around in this world knows that there's a difference between
"innocent" and "not guilty".) She just looked at me funny. "What are
you doing?"
"I'm killing the alien paperclip so that it can't take over the
world with it's evil hypnoid laser."
"Oh". Beat. "I can't imagine you high, you know that? You'd
probably be normal."
Did I mention that I never actually got any guidance there?
Back in time and space!